The Flat on Cabaniss Crescent

I went to Wal-mart in Sweat Pants

It was supposed to just be a family hike.  And we had a great hike through the woods and along the beach.  Then we got in the car to go home, and since we were out...yes, we did it, we went to Wal-mart in our bummy clothes.  Now if you are anything like me, going to Wal-Mart is depressing enough when dressed nicely, but to go there and "fit in" with the vast majority of American shoppers wearing sweats and throwing things into their carts on a Sunday afternoon, well, I just do not want to think about it.  It was terrible.  I came home and immediately got dressed into real clothes and fixed up my hair.  Can anyone relate?

Reinstated Policy #2

This is Part #2 of a series, for the first in the series click here.

So after we moved from Japan, I was very confident and strong in my policy that first year.  I got in a great routine with my kids and looking back I was probably at my Peak Performance of Motherhood...my house was in great order, all my socks had a match, I had recently completed MROL and I had a RULE and routines and schedules and everything.  I was also in the best physical shape of my life.

Budget wise, things were great.  We had just bought our first home but we were doing fine.  We did only have one vehicle, but I lived in a neighborhood with a Y, a library, 3 pools, 2 parks, a plethora of stores and restaurants were all within walking distance.  I could even walk to our dentist and Tigger's speech and OT.  If I could not walk somewhere (the library was a little far, maybe 1.5 miles), I would load the kids in the double jogger, put on my roller blades and skate there. No wonder I was so skinny!

In the event that I needed a car, I would just wake up early and drive Owl to work.  It was a hassle, but we had fun with it.  I remember loading the kids into their car in their pajamas at 6 AM with my coffee cup in hand and doing the 45 minute commute with Owl.  But those were such great mornings!  We talked while the kids drank their sippy cups of milk.  And then I would take the kids thru the McDonald's drive thru on the way home and Yoo Hoo it was a party day because we had a vehicle!!

Life was simple.  No preschool.  No commitments (besides my little Y job- 3-5 hours a week).  One car.  Extra money for savings at the end of each month.  And plenty of room in the budget to feel comfortable, to go to dinner, and buy some of the extras. 

I had my Mommy and Me job and I loved it.  Of course I did not do this job for the money and that was part of the reason I loved it.  Anything I made was just a bonus.

Life was good.

And, oh yeah, I had my policy and I stuck to it.

Reinstated Policy

You know all those home businesses?

Party lite

Tupperware

Mary Kay

Pampered Chef

I could go on, but I won't.  We all know what I am talking about. 

Well ,when I lived in Japan my friend Tina, made a policy that "she did not do parties."  It was so simple.  She just made her policy and followed it.   I was so inspired by her that I decided to follow her lead (after Japan) and in my new home I said loudly and confidently the first year that

"I DO NOT DO PARTIES."

My reasons were simple.  My husband was not home much and I did not want to pay a sitter to go to a party, when he was home I wanted to be with him.  When I did go to a party, I always felt pressured to buy something and my budget did not allow for that now so it was just simpler if I just did not go to any parties.  Period. 

For the first 2 years it worked. 

I even had other women who pulled me aside on the playground and at the Y and told me they respected me and admired me...

Then something happened that made me change (but that is another post...or even another series of posts!)

But 2 weeks ago, here in my new home, something happened that made me realize I had to reinstate THE NO PARTY POLICY.

this trip is cancelled

TOP TEN REASONS

I have decided to call off my New York trip

10. I want to start 2008 with a solid routine and traveling for 2-3 weeks will only postpone that until mid-Feb, which is the time that I need to start getting ready for our Mar/April move.  I cannot control the CHAOS that comes with a move, but I can control the months leading up to it.

9. I do not want to do a fake bday for Piglet.  Her 4th bday is the 19th and we were going to postpone her celebrations a week and not tell her...

8. NY is too cold for us and we do not have proper gear (I'd rather visit in spring).  Of course I could borrow gear, or go to a thrift shop, but every time I thought about that I was just stressed with another job to do.

7. This unexpected funeral expense sort of drained my travel funds.  My husbands cousin recently died suddenly and getting him home to be with family and attend the funeral became the financial priority.

6. I love books and CDs, but I do not think I can live with my kids for 3 weeks with no computer and no DVD player.

5. It takes me a long time to recover from travel and I really want to start a solid 2008 routine. 

4. I do not want to take a break from Tigger's therapy.  We have such good therapists right now.  And again, soon we will move and take a break.  So we need to stay strong while we can.

3.  I want to get a better grasp on finances and start a good 2008 budget with my Christmas present (Quicken software). 

2. I am not at my ideal weight and would rather go to NY skinny because I know my sisters will want to dress up and go out and that is no fun to do when I am feeling fat.  So I will get into a good 2008 routine and work hard for 2 months and drop these terrible 15 pounds I have been struggling with for 2 years now, then during our moving month when we are in CHAOS and transition anyway, we'll do some travel and I will look good and feel good.

AND THE #1 REASON I DECIDED TO CALL OFF THIS TRIP...

New York is SO cold

and I want to start a good 2008 routine here in Florida!

Countries I've been to

Domenican Republic= My sister's wedding

Mexico= Spring Break, High School (I can not believe my parent let me go!)

Japan= We lived there 3 years and both kids were born there

South Korea= We went for a 6 day vacation ALONE (left Tigger with a sitter when he was 15 months!)

Canada= I am from Michigan so this one is easy!  But I have also been there when visiting Seattle as well...

States I've visited

create your own visited states map or check out these Google Hacks.

This trip is evolving...

It looks like we will be spending some time in DC now too.  Not as long, but now I am looking over all my DC stuff for kids.

Any book ideas, anyone?  I have a few (in sidebar), but I am sure there are more...

New York Trip

I am getting pretty excited (and a little nervous) to take my two kids (and sitter) to The Big Apple.

Several weeks ago, I was day dreaming of NY in the grocery store and now it is turning into a reality.  Owl's cousin just happens to have a vacant apartment we can stay in and I just happen to have a baby-sitter who is ready and willing to travel with me.  So am I crazy to consider driving across the country alone with my kids and a sitter to go to NY for a few weeks?  A little... but I am still going to do it.

And I am super excited about this book I found:

In this handy-size book, renowned critic and historian (and New Yorker) Leonard S. Marcus has created and narrated twenty walking tours of New York City based on children's literature. Illustrated with maps, photographs, and book art, the tours can be followed from start to finish or abbreviated to suit a reader's, or a family's, particular interests. Together they feature over one hundred places and spaces by which New York has lit the imaginations of writers and artists as varied as E. B. White, Maurice Sendak, Judy Blume, Faith Ringgold, Madeleine L'Engle, and many more. Along the way, Marcus deftly discusses more than two hundred of the best books about New York City ever written for young people.

Naturally I will order this book before we leave.  And searching around Amazon, I found a list mania site that included several NY titles so I have not only added these books to my NY kids sidebar, I have also searched my local library and put reserves on everything they have (surprisingly all but 2!)

This book also looks COOL so I will order this as well.

I have a lot of planning to do but these books should at least cover most of NY.  I know we will do the MET, Ellis Island, Empire State Building,  and the Natural History Museum.  If anyone has any great New York ideas or tips please tell me.

I will also have to plan all our stops and visits with friends and family along the way.

And also plan all our school stuff for the car.  I am so glad, for times like this, that I am homeschooling and have the freedom to do this.  The only downside will be a month off of speech and occupational therapy for Tigger.

Oh, and I am also look for a house and a school at our next destination where we are scheduled to move to in March  (which for purposes of confidentiality on this blog I am going to keep secret).

 

New York State of Mind

Last night I couldn't fall asleep.

I laid in bed thinking of New York.  Probably because just before bed I made the realization that it had been 10 years since the Fall of 97 when I went to school and worked there for a semester.  I made a very creative blog about Judy Collins and Both Sides Now and it got my creative juices going.  That is what I remember most about New York.  I was surrounded by so many creative people and there was an energy and an excitement that I have never found in any other place. 

SO I tried brainstorming ways I could get to New York now, or sometime in the near future, with the kids.  Ideally, I would like to be able to go live there for a month or 2 when Andy deploys.  If I am going to be alone anyway, why not be there?  I could rent an apartment with the kids and we could do all the museums and go to Broadway plays.   We could visit with Aunt Tab, Aunt Ivy, and Sr. Fiate Marie as well as many of my other friends who have settled there with their husbands and children.  But this would cost a lot of money.  How would I fund this?

I was trying to brainstorm ways I could find work in the city.  Freelance of some sort from a distance?  Maybe I should try writing a book?  I thought of calling the director of my program from Long Island University and seeing if I could help her on a project.  I could call Judy Collins and ask if I could come back for a little bit...she did offer me a nice job after college.  But the kids...I would need to find a job where I could work from home and make occasional visits to the office... I could have a nanny who lived with me and helped me as needed. 

This all sounds like a dream, but I know people do this sort of thing.  I used to be creative and be able to come up with options and possibilities for myself.  Having kids does throw a twist in th mix, but I am sure I could figure something out. 

Before I fell asleep I decided my ticket to New York is to write a book.  On what?  I can not decide.  But I think if I keep blogging and keep writing all my creative ideas down, eventually a book will just come to me. 

Both Sides Now by Judy Collins

I was in the commissary alone the other night doing my Thanksgiving Shopping.  It was a truly wonderful shopping experience because my children were not with me.  I had left them with my neighbor, Amy, and even though getting through the crowded aisles was like navigating your way through Rush Hour traffic, I was at peace.  I knew I only had about an hour, but it is amazing how much you can accomplish in a short period time without children and how fast you can move...even when you get stuck behind a woman in one of those motorized scooters talking on her cell phone! I was able to move my cart around her in such a smooth fashion and I was feeling good, really happy and thankful for all I have and excited for the upcoming holiday. 

And then I heard it:

Bows and flows of angel hair and ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere, I've looked at clouds that way
But now they only block the sun they rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done, but clouds got in my way

I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
It's cloud's illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

I actually started singing along in the frozen section that busy night in the commissary.  As I was shot back in time 10 years.  Wow, has it really been 10 years?  It was the fall of 1997 that I lived in New York and worked for Judy Collins.  Another life ago.  That was the fall Princess Diana died.  It was also when my dad first got sick.  It was my first time away from Andy, after dating for 10 months, when I moved to New York for a semester and he stayed behind in Kalamazoo.  And I was an intern for Judy Collins. 

Moons and Junes and ferris wheels the dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real, I've looked at love that way
But now it's just another show, you leave 'em laughin when you go
And if you care don't let them know, don't give yourself away

I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love at all

And now, whenever I hear Both Sides Now, I think of Judy, I think of my time in New York, my New York friends, and all my professors, and everything I learned that fall of 1997.

That was 2 nights ago.

Now tonight, Thanksgiving, I think back again to the Fall of 97.  That was the Thanksgiving Andy came to visit me in New York and we went out to dinner with my cousin Chris, and then to a movie, and then we ended the evening in some little bar having Baileys and coffee.

I had Baileys today for the first time in years.  I am not quite sure what inspired me to buy it, but I did and this afternoon after we had our meal we took the kids to the playground across the street and I made some coffee and put a little Baileys in it and made both me and And a to go coffee cup for the park.  It was windy and chilly and felt like late October in Michigan.

Tears and fears and feeling proud, to say, "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds, I've looked at life that way
But now old friends are acting strange they shake their heads, they say
I've changed
But something's lost but something's gained in living every day

I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all

After the song ended I snapped back to reality.  I was in the commisary doing Thanksgiving shopping for my family.  My life has really changed in 10 years!  I hurried to check out so could go pick my kids up at Amy's.

Just another Tuesday...

In Which we go to OT, Barnes and Noble, Gymnastics, Meet a New Friend at the Museum, and then Tigger Fractures his Elbow...

Well this Tuesday started like all Tuesdays.  We left the house at 7:45 AM and drove 30 minutes to get to Tigger's OT.  I do not mind the drive because being in the car is one of the few places I can truly relax these days.

After OT, we killed some time at Barnes and Noble (right next door to OT) where I attempted to do "school" in the cafe promising the kids if they finished their work I would buy them a hot chocolate.  I have been trying this weekly since OT started and it is always a struggle, but still I try...This week I decided they did not earn a hot chocolate so with two kids whining and me staying calm and knowing that I have to follow thru but very temtped to buy them a hot chocolate just to make them be quiet we left, without buying anything and knowing the clerks were glaring at us, and I made a mental note to not try this again.

After that we had a nice 45 minutes where the kids played with the Thomas the Train table and the Peter Rabbit Animals in the Kids Section and I got to read quietly and sip my coffee. 

(I snuck back and bought a coffee for myself...) 

10:10 AM

"5 more minutes kids..."

10:12 AM

"3 more minutes kids..."

10:15 AM

"It's time to go kids."

And it was time to go, if we wanted to get to Gymnastics on time.

Feeling the clerks glaring at me, because we had spent yet another Tuesday playing in the Kids Section and not buying anything, I attempted to gather the kids.  It took two attempts and one Time Out to get them to comply and to nicely walk out of the Kids Section, holding my hand, with clerks glaring at us because we did not buy anything AGAIN. 

Mental note: Take a week off from Barnes and Noble.

From there we went to Gymnastics.

We were only 3 minutes late.

The Gymnastics Class that I was not sure I liked but every time I went thought, "Oh, this is so good for the kids!" 

The class that was too expensive, but since I was saving so much money through homeschooling (compared to private schools) I justified it was an OK expense. 

The Gymnastics Class that was 40 minutes away, but since it was only 10 minutes from OT I told myself it wasn't really that far. 

The Gymnastics Class that I thought would give my kids socialization with other kids, but on the first day I discovered my kids were the only two because all the others were in school. 

The Gymnastics class at the studio that seemed a little dirty and old but maybe my expectations were too high. 

I really liked the teacher and figured it was a good outlet for the kids.  Even though Tigger has Swimming and Piglet has Ballet..this was still a good outlet.  And this was the only hour in the week where they did something together and I got to sit ALONE in the waiting area.  This was my time to make my grocery list, read a book, and let someone else discipline my wild monkeys for an hour. 

So even though I had serious issues with this Gymnastics Class and every week I considered dropping it, in the end I never did.

After Gymnastics we had a quick picnic lunch and then went downtown to the FREE T.T. Wentworth Museum where the third floor is a Kids Discovery Area.  We were meeting some friends of friends for the first time. 

I must say that one benefit of moving around in the Navy is everywhere we go we have instant connections because everyone knows someone wherever we go.  It's great!  Before we move we email the people referred to us and get ideas on housing and other important things.  Then when we arrive we have new people to meet.

So anyway, we met our new friends and had a great hour of conversation and play.  The Kids Area is real nice with things for the kids to play in and climb on and during the day no one is there because all the kids are in school.

I have been making it one of my regular spots because it is FREE and it is one of the few places, like Gymnastics and Barnes and Noble, where I can read a book and just let them play...(really besides Tuesday there are no other times in my week to do this...)

I was having a great time talking with this new friend, a friend of another old friend, while the kids were laughing and screaming and chasing each other and climbing...

And then Tigger fell.

He fell off a play ship.  At first I did not think it was a big deal since he falls all the time.  But his cry was a little different and more intense than normal.  And when he did not stop within a minute or two, I knew something was wrong.  Looking at his arm, it was a bit swollen. 

So I drove right to ER.

And we spent the next 3 hours getting X rays and waiting...

Waiting to be told that Tigger fractured his elbow.

They put him in a splint and told us to come back in the morning for more X Rays.

After a quick drive through the Library Drive Thru, I went home and made dinner.  Owl got home early so I got to go for a jog.

That was our day.

Really, it was just another Tuesday...

Oh, and the best part?  No more Gymnastics!  With Tigger's arm having to heal for 6-8 weeks I had no choice but to call and cancel.  The decision was made for me and I felt a huge relief.

A Great Service

In Which I have an Encounter with the Librarian in the Drive Thru Window and then I get a Call...

Our new library has a drive thru.  I have never seen anything like it, and you bet I am using it to my advantage.  Getting books has never been easier.  First I go on line and search the library data base.  I can reserve items on line and then when they are ready I get a call from the library stating I can pick up my book(s).  Policy is you have one week from the time they call you to pick up the books. 

Before I tell this story I want to state that the drive thru window is there for public use and no where are there any written stipulations on it (for example, it is only for the handicapped...)  And even if there were stipulations, I feel like I would qualify.  Who wants to go search for books in a quiet library with 2 kids?  Not me!  I am all about exposing the kids to the library and we do make trips there often.  But when I want to do serious business, it is best to leave them home or use the drive thru.

So we have gotten into a Friday habit of picking up videos for the weekend.  Early in the week I reserve a few videos for the kids and on Friday we go pick them up.  This is a treat for them and they look forward to it.  Last night I went to pick up my videos and was given 3.  I had reserved 4, but sometimes it take awhile so I just assumed the 4th was not ready yet.

Later that night, I went on line to reserve some books for the following week and I saw my account status stating I had 4 videos checked out.  I knew I only had 3 so I made a point to call first thing the next day (today).

Meanwhile I heard cries from the living room.  Green Eggs and Ham, the movie we rented, was skipping.  Both kids were quite upset.  I took it out of the DVD player, tried to clean it, and put it back in.  This time it did not start at all.  I explained to the kids it was broken and we had to go to the library to get a new one.  I then tried the next DVD, The Aristocats.  That too skipped.  The third movie, Where the Wild Things Are worked and so they watched that.

This morning at 9:05, 5 minutes after the library opened, I called the library and a friendly man answered.  I told him the situation and after putting me on hold a minute he came back on and very politely said, "Sorry Mrs. Hayes, this was our mistake.  Your video is right here." 

"Thanks," I said, "I will be in later today to pick it up.

3 hours later I drive thru the drive thru.  I actually considered going in, but it was a beautiful day and I wanted to take the kids to the park and I knew if we went in we would be there an hour.  As I pull into the drive thru I see the librarian's face and it looks annoyed.  Uh-oh...

I handed her the 2 videos and told her we got them last night and they were scratched.  Was there any way for her to check the computer and see if there were any more copies and if there were to reserve them for us? 

"Give me your card."

I handed her my card and she hurried away.  I saw her talking to another librarian and after several minutes she came back and said, "We'll take care of that, have a nice day..." and she started to close the window.

"Wait," I said.  "I have one more thing."

As I said that, Tigger decided it was time to take his belt off and come up to the front to get a better look.

The librarian glared at me.

"Last night," I started to explain...

"I WANT OUT OF MY SEAT TOO," screamed Piglet from the back.

"...I came through the drive thru to pick up my movies.  I had reserved 4 but only received 3..."

"LET ME OUT RIGHT NOW!"

"...and when I got home I checked on line and saw that my account said I had all 4..."

"I WANT OUT TOO!  SOMEBODY UNBUCKLE ME..."

Tigger decided that he would be nice and unbuckle her.  I was trying to ignore them.

"...So this morning I called the library and talked with a man..."

"We do not have any men who work here."

"Well I talked to a man this morning at about 9 and.."

"Mom, can we listen to Scary Scary Halloween?"

"Just a minute, Tigger...The man said he had my video and I told him I would come by later today..."

Piglet started climbing into the front and was now on my lap.

"Mom I want to listen to Scary Scary Halloween..." Tigger said.

"As I said, we do not have a man who works here.  You must have called the Main Library Downtown." 

At this point the kids decided to go into Silly Mode.

"I know I called this library.  This is the only library I go to and I have the number on my fridge.  Can you just check around for a Degas Video with my name on it?"

Annoyed, she started looking around.  I took this opportunity to give my kids a really stern look and said in a serious voice, "Get back in your seats now or we will not go to the park.  I will put Scary Scary Halloween on as soon as you are sitting down and buckled up."

She came back to the window and told me she could not find it. 

Fine, I did not care.  I just wanted to get out of there.  Silly Mode was escalating to a new level...This was the exact reason I avoided going inside because I hated dealing with my kids all over me when I tried talking to the librarian at the desk.   My kids have been so good in the car lately and I thought the drive thru was just the best invention because we did not have to get out. 

"That is fine," I said in the nicest voice I could manage.  "Could you just go onto my account and make a note that I do not have this video currently checked out?"  I thought that was a reasonable request.

Obviously, by her response, she did not.

"Well you are over here and the computer here is broken down so I will have to go over there."  She pointed to the main desk about 10 feet behind where she was standing.

I just looked at her. 

Silly Mode had finally stopped.

"Mom, we are buckled..."

"You know this drive thru is for people who have... difficulties," she said.

What does that mean?

As I said earlier, no where in writing does it state that the drive thru is only for certain populations.  And even if it did, doesn't a mother with children qualify?  I have tinted windows on my Van.  For all she knew I had six kids and maybe I had a sleeping baby...

"MOM, WE ARE BOTH BUCKLED UP," Tigger screamed.

"I think this is a wonderful service," I said, "because it is difficult for me to come into the library..."

"Give me your card again," she said.

As she walked to the computer all the way over there, I saw a man walk by.

A man! 

I waved at him and he came to the window.

"Hi," I said..."I think I may have talked to you this morning..."

"Are you Mrs. Hayes?"

"Yes, I..."

"Your video is right here."

As he said that the mean librarian was walking back to us.

"Oh, it was a video you wanted," she said.  "You said a book. You also did not say you talked to Jonathan..."

"Well I am sorry for the confusion.  Thank you so much."

I drove away and we went to the park listening to Scary Scary Halloween.

About 2 hours later I got home and saw I had a message.

"Hello, Mrs. Hayes, this is the Southwest Branch library calling.  This is(I forget her name).  I work at the drive thru in the evenings and on weekends.  I am just wondering if you would like us to take you off the reserve call list.  Please give us a call back at (number stated) and let us know."

So I call.

"Hello?"

"Yes, this is Mrs. Hayes.  I received a voice mail today regarding being on the reserve call list.  The message asked if I want to be taken off the list..."

"Ma'am it must have been the Main Library Downtown who called you.  We don't make those calls."

"Well the message said Southwest Branch and it mentioned a drive thru...does the Downtown Branch have a drive thru?" 

"No Ma'am."

"Yes, then I am pretty sure this is the right library."

"Do you know who called you Ma'am?"

"No, I forgot her name.  It was a woman."

"I can not think of who it would be Ma'am."

"Well, that is OK, I am just calling back because the message requested that I call and I wanted you to know I like getting the calls telling me when my books are in and I do not want to be taken off the list."

"Ma'am we call everyone.  I do the calls myself.  Nobody is going to take you off the list."

"Great.  I just wanted to make sure."

"Is there anything else Ma'am?"

"No, that's it."

"Well you have a nice day and we'll see you soon."

I hung up and took a moment to remember our old librarians.  They were so nice.  They knew my kids by name and were always so happy to see us.  They did not have a drive thru and the selection of books was very small and there were only about 5 books on tape in the whole library.  And if there was a way to access books online I never knew about it, or at least I never figured it out.  But the librarians were so nice.  And if I ever had a question or concern they helped me in a moment, with a smile.  We liked them so much, we used to bake them treats.

"So will you stop using the drive thru?" Owl asked when I told him the story tonight.

"No way," I said.  "It really is a great service."